Today started out as one of those days. Colin had been throwing up last night, and while the circumstances surrounding the act were pretty humorous, it was still a matter of whether he was really sick or if it was another migraine. This morning he awakened still having a slight headache but this time there was a fever and the inevitable morning after puking puke. So, the call goes into the school that he will be absent, effectively ending his perfect attendance streak. Bummer.

This only becomes more of a bummer when not even 10 minutes later, he is entirely well, feeling great, asking for food. Good grief. He then continues on his feeling better streak, by being his energetic (read, annoying) self. After telling him for the umpteenth time to stop picking at his brother, I complain to Roger how annoying he is being and how annoyed I am that he couldn't go to school today, which is super annoying and now I am annoyed that I am annoyed.

Christopher, who has his Fridays off, has been hounding me to play the computer, which he gets to do early on because Colin was "sick." Then there's lunch and just the usual daily things. Stop hitting each other, play nice, etc.

I sit down to Facebook and see what other people are complaining about today and possibly find some responses to my silly status about last night's vomiting episode.

Instead, what I read is true horror. A school in Connecticut has had the unthinkable happen. 18 dead 5-year-olds and many others in an inexplicable act of violence. I immediately turn on the news and am drawn in to the yet unknown details. It eventually comes out that the shooter was a 24-year-old and the Kindergarten class he attacked was his mother's classroom and her students, as well as several other people within the school.  What?? Who does that? It is a horrible, sinking feeling that came over me, thinking about those parents and family members of those lost...in particular those mommies and daddies who no longer have their babies to hug and kiss goodnight, good morning, and just say I love you. Yes, my boys are home with me, I think in quick relief and almost feel guilty.

The idea of losing my boys cuts directly to my gut and makes me want to lash out and thrash and scream. I don't know how these parents are going to handle this loss, when I am having so much trouble thinking about it and it is only in the "what if" category for me. From the moment I first became pregnant, I have never known the feeling of complete and utter love and joy. Then, the bundle becomes real in my arms and there is no going back to who I was before. Everything is different. Everything. The way that I look at the world and people is different. My priorities are different. It all revolves around this baby. Then the one baby became 2 babies and it all doubles. My heart explodes for these boys. The happy, the sad, the heartbreaking.

Then years pass, they grow, they gain personality traits that don't always mesh with my own. There are tantrums, messes, frustrations, fatigue, illness, yelling, screaming, crying, and yes, annoyance. Today, I am so happy for having them here to annoy me.  They don't understand the magnitude of the strength in my hugs today or the tears in my eyes when I grab them for those hugs. It doesn't matter. What matters is that they are here, now, for me to love, cherish, and hold. I will be sending them off to school on Monday with a little less excitement that I have 5 hours of time while they are otherwise occupied. My prayers for their safety will by multiplied by the hundreds.

This is a true tragedy and as cliche` as it might seem, it makes me so thankful for what I have. I don't want to take them for granted, ever. Even, and especially, when they are on my last nerves and pushing my buttons. Knowing how blessed I am with these two boys calling me Mommy is a thought that I never, ever, ever want to lose. The "I love you, Mommy" from each of them that I get make it more than worth all the other crap.

I will be praying for the victims' families and the whole community of Newtown, CT, as well as the entire country. This cuts us deep.

Christmas-no pictures

I had every intention of uploading the Christmas pictures (and the others that I have not gotten up yet) but can't find the cord...again. I am pretty sure I brought it with me, but can't find it. I plan on putting them up later. Be on the lookout.

In the meantime...

We have had a fantastic time! Christmas threw up in Bobby's living room and Santa brought WAY TOO MANY gifts for all three kids. It was CRAZY. Christopher made it about halfway through before deciding he had opened enough and wanted to play with his stuff instead of just opening. Overall, it took a few hours (I lost track of the time) to get all the gifts opened. Colin was super awesome and well behaved. Asking a 5-year-old to be patient while opening gifts can be a ridiculous request, but in this case it was heeded. I was so proud of him!

Roger and I were treated very well, too. We got pretty spoiled. Roger was very well-behaved as well.

This was just a quick overview but I wanted to let you know that we had such a wonderful and blessed time with family. Those who weren't with us were greatly missed! Oh, and bonus...we had snow!

Promises, promises...

I have a lot to post about, but it will have to wait. I plan on sitting down for at least a little while during the Christmas break to blog. Just know you have quite a lot of excitement ahead. Lucky you!!!!

The Miller Thanksgiving 2010

We had a wonderful day of food, laughs, and joyful interaction with new friends. We were invited (approximately a year ago) to go to Roger's mentor's home for Thanksgiving dinner. They live on a mountain in Asheville, so we made the drive up to eat. It was such a wonderful time. I was so proud of the boys because they were both so polite and well behaved. I received many compliments about them throughout the day and it brings pure joy to my heart. There was a small group of college age girls there for dinner and they instantly won the boys' hearts. They played hide and seek, tag, got buried in the leaves, and they just had an overall great time with them. It was nice to have some adult time and not worry about them!

One major thing was missing for me, besides the obvious family members that I miss so much. Mashed potatoes. I might have to whip up a batch tomorrow because there is something wrong with Thanksgiving and no mashed potatoes. Just saying.

This year definitely beats last year's drama of football, broken legs, hospital visits, 10-hour drives, and stress. Oh, and the Cowboys lost today (I love you, Roger!). Great day!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Snot, snot, snotty, snot...

EW. Snot. Disgusting.

I HATE snot. I have always hated it. I remember vividly going to Shoppers Food Warehouse once with my parents, brother, and sister, and my brother (who had an uncanny ability to gross even the most stable stomach out) to get groceries. Well, my brother sneezed and a giant glob of you-know-what shot out and landed on his sleeve. I just about vomited all over the floor I was gagging so much. Kids also have the ability to gross me out with their many sneezes and coughs in which giant blobs of green stuff come out and I am forced to wipe it before I throw up on them. When I was pregnant with Colin, I was riding in the backseat of my sister-in-law's SUV with my niece (she was almost 4, I think) and yep, she sneezed, and yep, total disgustingness was all over her face. I couldn't even look at the poor thing without gagging, and Elizabeth had to stop the car so she could wipe her face. I got out of that one because I was pregnant, but it's a hang up that I am forced to deal with, and it never seems to get easier.

This time of year (at least in terms of snot) is the bane of my existence. I am sure that the tissue companies just LOVE this time of year and are making bazillions of dollars taking care of the snot that is running like rivers. I wipe noses all day at the preschool, and babies (for those who don't know) HATE having their noses wiped. They turn their head in protest, which just serves the purpose of prolonging the snot wiping session because what was once only at the nose, is now all over the cheek, in the hair, and on the ear. Wonderful. Thanks, Baby.

That's why I hate this week. Colin and Christopher both have tons of snot right now and they have lovingly let me in on the game. The main difference is that I don't have to see my own, so it doesn't gross me out to the extent that other people's snot does. Call me judgmental, but my snot isn't gross. I don't like hearing your snot, seeing your snot, and definitely not touching or wiping your snot. I do it out of necessity because vomiting every time I see it is not an option. That just gives me more to clean.

Anyway, being sick sucks. Snot sucks. Being sick and having snot doubly sucks.

Sooooo, who wants to come for dinner?

Veterans

I know I have posted before about veterans and their importance in my life, but I am still so in awe of their sacrifice that I feel like I should do it again. And again. And again.

These men and women have all of my respect--no matter how young or old, they are in it for me and that is truly something special. Here is a list of those that I know directly (I apologize if I leave anyone out. Feel free to call me out on it!). God bless them and let them know that they are appreciated. Always.

Roger Miller (my husband)

Forrest B. Snyder, Jr. (my dad)

James Snyder (my brother)

Ann Snyder (my sister in law)

Bobby Miller (Roger's brother)

Michael A. Miller (my late father in law)

Stephen Previti (my uncle)

Stephen Marsh (my cousin who is currently in Afghanistan)

Dan Previti (my cousin)

Justin McKevitt (my cousin's husband)

Carole Anne Stephenson (my great friend and running buddy)

Mark Camblos (my friend's husband)

Leevi MacDonald (my friend's husband)

Alex Parker (my friend's husband)

Timothy Williams (friend from high school)

George Graham (my grandad)

James Previti (my grandfather)

John Steinberger (my friend's father)

Thank you.