Saturday, January 30, 2010
Snowing in the Carolinas
Well, the weather man actually got it right this time! Our first snow of the winter season arrived last night and is still here! Usually it comes in at about 1/2 an inch and is melted by midday. Not today! Unfortunately, the snow is covered in about a 1/2 inch of ice, but that didn't keep Colin and Christopher from wanting to play in it! I love it when it is white outside! It's beautiful! So here are the pictures of our giant South Carolina snow--aka the blizzard of 2010!
Friday, January 29, 2010
Change
I woke up feeling a bit off this morning and had a hard time figuring out what the deal was. Did I just not want to clean like I knew I needed to? Did I not feel like playing referee to the boys today? Was I just anxious for Roger to get home? What was wrong with me?
As I was preparing myself to mop the kitchen floor (joy of all joys), I glanced at the calendar and caught the date. January 29th. I immediately had a flashback to a night in college that changed me forever. After realizing the date, I couldn't get it out of my head, so here I sit, contemplating the date, the event, and the aftermath, even though it was 11 years ago. I guess the memory will always be as vivid as if it were happening again.
Many of you know about this occurrence because you were there for it. Not the actual event, but the time before and the time after were part of your lives, too. It was a time of turmoil in my 20-year-old life and I had to figure out who I was and who I could count on. The event didn't wake me up as some might have hoped. I still went back. I even stood up for the guy. A lot. I kept trying to make it all right, to make it seem as though it had changed not only me and my outlook on things, but his, too. Wrong.
A switch flipped inside me, although outwardly it may not have seemed like it. I had always sworn that it would never be me, that I would never put up with something like that. And why couldn't people just see that it was OK, he was sorry? Because he wasn't. Everyone saw it. As much as I hated to admit it, I saw it, too. He didn't change, but I did. I became angrier and less trusting. I shrank into myself and tried to become someone I wasn't, someone he and his family wanted me to be. As hard as I tried, I couldn't be that person, but instead of stopping the charade, I just built up higher walls. I figured this was what was supposed to be for me and my life, so I had to figure out how to make it work.
Life doesn't always work out the way that it was planned out in your own head. What you think you know often turns out to be totally false and gets flipped around. Luckily and by the grace of God, the lie was revealed to me a couple of years later when everything that I deep down already knew was going on came to light. He hadn't changed in those years, and we still had times where he was just plain mean, treating me like dirt. Had he not made the decision that he didn't want to do it anymore with me, then who knows where I would have been today? As soon as he left, my eyes were opened and my heart, once broken, seemed to start healing. It wasn't easy at first, but shortly I realized that it was the best thing that could have happened. The realization that I could move on and find real love was uplifting and I felt the real me start to come back. The fiery, competitive, fun-loving me.
Fortunately, I was blessed with just that. God gave me Roger and showed me what I wanted in his eyes and heart. He was my prayers' answer. Unfortunately, I brought along a bit of baggage. I still tend to guard myself and have a hard time with trust. If I feel that someone is trying to control me, even if it is something as small as asking a simple question, I buck up against it. Roger is great at reassuring me during these times that it is OK that I have an opinion, even if it doesn't match his, but that I don't have to yell and scream to get it across or fear some sort of retribution. I just have to be me, as long as I am letting him be him, too.
I thought that I was pretty much OK with all of these memories, but today I realized that I probably need to release more of the hurt and anger. I'm a work in progress, I guess. Thankfully, it's not a never ending job and I can see the building going up, even as my walls are coming down. Yep, I'm a changed woman, and this time for the better.
As I was preparing myself to mop the kitchen floor (joy of all joys), I glanced at the calendar and caught the date. January 29th. I immediately had a flashback to a night in college that changed me forever. After realizing the date, I couldn't get it out of my head, so here I sit, contemplating the date, the event, and the aftermath, even though it was 11 years ago. I guess the memory will always be as vivid as if it were happening again.
Many of you know about this occurrence because you were there for it. Not the actual event, but the time before and the time after were part of your lives, too. It was a time of turmoil in my 20-year-old life and I had to figure out who I was and who I could count on. The event didn't wake me up as some might have hoped. I still went back. I even stood up for the guy. A lot. I kept trying to make it all right, to make it seem as though it had changed not only me and my outlook on things, but his, too. Wrong.
A switch flipped inside me, although outwardly it may not have seemed like it. I had always sworn that it would never be me, that I would never put up with something like that. And why couldn't people just see that it was OK, he was sorry? Because he wasn't. Everyone saw it. As much as I hated to admit it, I saw it, too. He didn't change, but I did. I became angrier and less trusting. I shrank into myself and tried to become someone I wasn't, someone he and his family wanted me to be. As hard as I tried, I couldn't be that person, but instead of stopping the charade, I just built up higher walls. I figured this was what was supposed to be for me and my life, so I had to figure out how to make it work.
Life doesn't always work out the way that it was planned out in your own head. What you think you know often turns out to be totally false and gets flipped around. Luckily and by the grace of God, the lie was revealed to me a couple of years later when everything that I deep down already knew was going on came to light. He hadn't changed in those years, and we still had times where he was just plain mean, treating me like dirt. Had he not made the decision that he didn't want to do it anymore with me, then who knows where I would have been today? As soon as he left, my eyes were opened and my heart, once broken, seemed to start healing. It wasn't easy at first, but shortly I realized that it was the best thing that could have happened. The realization that I could move on and find real love was uplifting and I felt the real me start to come back. The fiery, competitive, fun-loving me.
Fortunately, I was blessed with just that. God gave me Roger and showed me what I wanted in his eyes and heart. He was my prayers' answer. Unfortunately, I brought along a bit of baggage. I still tend to guard myself and have a hard time with trust. If I feel that someone is trying to control me, even if it is something as small as asking a simple question, I buck up against it. Roger is great at reassuring me during these times that it is OK that I have an opinion, even if it doesn't match his, but that I don't have to yell and scream to get it across or fear some sort of retribution. I just have to be me, as long as I am letting him be him, too.
I thought that I was pretty much OK with all of these memories, but today I realized that I probably need to release more of the hurt and anger. I'm a work in progress, I guess. Thankfully, it's not a never ending job and I can see the building going up, even as my walls are coming down. Yep, I'm a changed woman, and this time for the better.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Love, hugs, and busted lips?
Colin and Christopher have decided that they adore each other. Just this afternoon they were rolling around on the floor giggling and hugging each other. Christopher walks up to Colin and gives him kisses, and Colin tries to make Christopher laugh by tickling and being cuddly with him. Those are the times that parenthood are so joyful and wonderful and I get teary eyed. I love that they love each other so much.
Then there are the times when they are playing together upstairs in the bedroom and all goes well until Colin drops Christopher on his head into the footboard and Christopher busts his lip and bleeds everywhere. Oh, and even better when Mommy isn't home and Daddy who can't walk has to crutch his way up the stairs to take care of it. Ah, yes, parenthood. Who doesn't love a fat lip? I know this is just the beginning of the fat lips and black eyes and possible broken noses, so I guess that I will just have to stock up on band aids, Neosporin, and health insurance and enjoy the ride.
Here is a sweet picture of the boys...
...and seconds later.
Update
Roger is doing extremely well in his recovery and healing. His range of motion is far exceeding what the doctor and physical therapists expected. The doctor was very impressed with his own work as well, saying that if it weren't for the screws and plates visible in the x-ray that his bone and joint were perfect!
This progress has been a huge sigh of relief for everyone involved, and if I'm being honest, Roger is the most relieved. I am dying to have him totally healed and back to normal, but I think that he wants it even more than me. He has been back to work pretty much full time and is getting less and less tired during the week, even after being on the crutches or in the wheelchair. I am back to my training schedule and it is keeping us pretty busy.
Anyway, I thought everyone might appreciate a progress report on the crazy last few months. It's going well and we are so appreciative for all of the continued prayers and love!
This progress has been a huge sigh of relief for everyone involved, and if I'm being honest, Roger is the most relieved. I am dying to have him totally healed and back to normal, but I think that he wants it even more than me. He has been back to work pretty much full time and is getting less and less tired during the week, even after being on the crutches or in the wheelchair. I am back to my training schedule and it is keeping us pretty busy.
Anyway, I thought everyone might appreciate a progress report on the crazy last few months. It's going well and we are so appreciative for all of the continued prayers and love!
Friday, January 1, 2010
Some pictures to join my brain dump from last post
These photos are not in chronological order, but I don't like messing with the pictures on here too much because it is a pain in the neck.
This is where Roger spent his Thanksgiving day. Poor thing. You can tell he was a bit drugged up though, huh?
Colin in the pool in Florida. He had a blast!
Colin was the ring-bearer...he was so cute! He walked down the aisle with his hands in his pockets looking all GQ!
Christopher hanging with Aunt Alicia before we left to go downstairs to the wedding. Mr. Smiles.
This is Roger and I before the wedding...yep, we're hot!
This is where Roger spent his Thanksgiving day. Poor thing. You can tell he was a bit drugged up though, huh?
Christopher went swimming, too. I was too chicken to go in the water so my Uncle John took him in. He was in heaven.
Colin in the pool in Florida. He had a blast!
Colin was the ring-bearer...he was so cute! He walked down the aisle with his hands in his pockets looking all GQ!Christopher hanging with Aunt Alicia before we left to go downstairs to the wedding. Mr. Smiles. This is Roger and I before the wedding...yep, we're hot!
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Yes, I still live...
...although I am not sure how I have survived the last 4 weeks somedays. It has been a terribly busy and stressful time at our house so blogging has taken a backseat. Not that bloggable stuff hasn't happened--it definitely has. It unfortunately has happened over and over and over again, while in the meantime not giving me any time to really get it all down. I will do it in list form so that I can get it out. I will not go into too much detail, but hopefully this will get me back on my blogging track. I hate that everyone is missing out on our family's lives. So here it is...4 weeks in a nutshell:
1. We attended my cousin John's wedding in Longboat Key, FL the weekend before Thanksgiving and had a wonderful time. We stayed the week of Thanksgiving in Holiday, FL at the newlywed couple's house while they were on their honeymoon. My other cousin Robert and his fiance Kayla live 2 doors down from the house and we got the pleasure of hanging out with them a lot. We took over their house in the morning because John and Mary didn't have a coffee pot! Poor things...and let's just say that they got more than a taste of what it was like to have children in the house!! We had a great time with them. My Aunt Nancy lives about 15 minutes away from their so we were lucky enough to get to spend some time with her and Bill, as well as Grandma and Uncle John and Toni (who were all in town for the wedding and Thanksgiving, too!). Robert and John's youngest brother, Stephen, was in town for the wedding on leave from the Army for the occasion. It was great to see him--we are all SO proud!
While in Holiday, we were also very blessed that Roger's Aunt Doris lived literally about 2 blocks away from John and Robert! This allowed us the great pleasure of spending some time with Doris and I finally got to meet Roger's cousins, Spike, Tony, and Michael. I had heard a lot about these guys, but had never met them before. What a great group of people! We had such a good time and even got some adult time together with Tony and his girlfriend while Robert and Kayla took the boys for a few hours. We spent Thanksgiving dinner with them as well. Which leads me to number 2.
2. "Hey Roger, do you want to play flag football tomorrow morning? I know some guys who are getting together." "Sure, sounds great." This conversation has come to haunt me. Roger did play flag football with Robert, and did well from what I understand. Unfortunately, I was not able to see him do well because on my way to the game with the boys (so that they could watch their daddy play football) I received this phone call. "I need you to bring me some ice. I hurt my knee." I said ok, and stopped at Starbucks to get coffee and a bag of ice while my brain was screaming "Oh, crap." Little did I know.
We spent the day in the ER getting X-rays. Happy Thanksgiving. Roger had broken his tibial plateau (look it up, it's too much to explain on here) with displacement and fragments. Oh, lovely. Surgery here we come. We spent the evening at Doris' house for Thanksgiving with Roger staying in one place because he couldn't move. He was miserable, but trying to have a good time with his cousins that he hadn't seen in a while. When we got home, we had to prepare for the 10 hour return drive to SC so that we could try to plan for his surgery. It was a super long day and I won't go into details, but we were so glad to get home!
3. ER visit number 2. Roger was losing feeling in his foot so we decided to get to the hospital and see if we could get it better taken care of and possibly get in with an orthopedic surgeon. Of course no one was going to operate on the holiday weekend, so we got a prescription to call the office Monday. Thanks for nothing. He had been broken for 5 days by the time we got to the doctor's office. They scheduled the surgery for Wednesday, he came home Thursday evening. No weight bearing for up to 12 weeks. Crutches and a wheel chair. Pain, pain, pain. The first day home was terrifying. My strong husband was struggling so much and it hurt me deeply to see it. Thank God my mother in law was here! She stayed through till the next Thursday morning and was a God sent Angel!
4. I have discovered that when my life is out of control, that I obsessively clean my kitchen. I can't control Roger's pain, his recovery, or the stress that comes with that. I am stressed about the kids, it was Christmas, the dog is dying (more on that later, too), and the only one who can do anything is me. When my life feels crazy, I clean the kitchen. I never had the desire to clean the kitchen like I do now. But, I guess it's always clean, right? Now, if I don't keel over from the fumes of this obsessive cleaning, we will be in business.
5. Justice and I have made several trips to the vet in the last couple of weeks. Each visit was sad and anticipatory of saying goodbye to him for the last time. He is still here, but we are on our last treatment option and we know that it's temporary. He made it through the holidays and we are just sort of waiting now. Please pray for us that the goodbye is painless for him (and us). It's hard on all of us.
6. Last, but not least, I have a 4.5 year old and a 1.5 year old who both miss their daddy and for at least the first week seemed mad at Mommy because of it. They are adjusting to Daddy's boo-boo now, so we are getting better. We made it through Christmas (pictures to come, I promise) even though there were no Christmas cards this year. They will be super late, but will get there, so bear with me. They are growing like weeds and are both so funny. Colin is coming into his own and starting to enjoy learning to read. Nothing major yet, but it is so awesome to see his wheels turning. Christopher is at that hilarious age where the things he says are so funny either because he is repeating something that he has heard or just jibber jabbering to himself. His latest is if you ask him a question that he doesn't know that answer to, he replies "Ohhhh. Nutning." (Oh, nothing). He is always ready with a grin for you and you can't help but smile back. These boys, while driving me insane have the uncanny ability to keep me sane. It's the oddest thing. I love them so much and this has brought me to tears more than once in recent weeks!
So that is it in a nutshell. I am sure there is more to tell and I will try to be better about sharing, but for now just know that I am doing my best here and sometimes it will make it into the blogosphere and sometimes it won't.
Oh yeah...HAPPY NEW YEAR! I hope that everyone has a very successful and fulfilling 2010!
1. We attended my cousin John's wedding in Longboat Key, FL the weekend before Thanksgiving and had a wonderful time. We stayed the week of Thanksgiving in Holiday, FL at the newlywed couple's house while they were on their honeymoon. My other cousin Robert and his fiance Kayla live 2 doors down from the house and we got the pleasure of hanging out with them a lot. We took over their house in the morning because John and Mary didn't have a coffee pot! Poor things...and let's just say that they got more than a taste of what it was like to have children in the house!! We had a great time with them. My Aunt Nancy lives about 15 minutes away from their so we were lucky enough to get to spend some time with her and Bill, as well as Grandma and Uncle John and Toni (who were all in town for the wedding and Thanksgiving, too!). Robert and John's youngest brother, Stephen, was in town for the wedding on leave from the Army for the occasion. It was great to see him--we are all SO proud!
While in Holiday, we were also very blessed that Roger's Aunt Doris lived literally about 2 blocks away from John and Robert! This allowed us the great pleasure of spending some time with Doris and I finally got to meet Roger's cousins, Spike, Tony, and Michael. I had heard a lot about these guys, but had never met them before. What a great group of people! We had such a good time and even got some adult time together with Tony and his girlfriend while Robert and Kayla took the boys for a few hours. We spent Thanksgiving dinner with them as well. Which leads me to number 2.
2. "Hey Roger, do you want to play flag football tomorrow morning? I know some guys who are getting together." "Sure, sounds great." This conversation has come to haunt me. Roger did play flag football with Robert, and did well from what I understand. Unfortunately, I was not able to see him do well because on my way to the game with the boys (so that they could watch their daddy play football) I received this phone call. "I need you to bring me some ice. I hurt my knee." I said ok, and stopped at Starbucks to get coffee and a bag of ice while my brain was screaming "Oh, crap." Little did I know.
We spent the day in the ER getting X-rays. Happy Thanksgiving. Roger had broken his tibial plateau (look it up, it's too much to explain on here) with displacement and fragments. Oh, lovely. Surgery here we come. We spent the evening at Doris' house for Thanksgiving with Roger staying in one place because he couldn't move. He was miserable, but trying to have a good time with his cousins that he hadn't seen in a while. When we got home, we had to prepare for the 10 hour return drive to SC so that we could try to plan for his surgery. It was a super long day and I won't go into details, but we were so glad to get home!
3. ER visit number 2. Roger was losing feeling in his foot so we decided to get to the hospital and see if we could get it better taken care of and possibly get in with an orthopedic surgeon. Of course no one was going to operate on the holiday weekend, so we got a prescription to call the office Monday. Thanks for nothing. He had been broken for 5 days by the time we got to the doctor's office. They scheduled the surgery for Wednesday, he came home Thursday evening. No weight bearing for up to 12 weeks. Crutches and a wheel chair. Pain, pain, pain. The first day home was terrifying. My strong husband was struggling so much and it hurt me deeply to see it. Thank God my mother in law was here! She stayed through till the next Thursday morning and was a God sent Angel!
4. I have discovered that when my life is out of control, that I obsessively clean my kitchen. I can't control Roger's pain, his recovery, or the stress that comes with that. I am stressed about the kids, it was Christmas, the dog is dying (more on that later, too), and the only one who can do anything is me. When my life feels crazy, I clean the kitchen. I never had the desire to clean the kitchen like I do now. But, I guess it's always clean, right? Now, if I don't keel over from the fumes of this obsessive cleaning, we will be in business.
5. Justice and I have made several trips to the vet in the last couple of weeks. Each visit was sad and anticipatory of saying goodbye to him for the last time. He is still here, but we are on our last treatment option and we know that it's temporary. He made it through the holidays and we are just sort of waiting now. Please pray for us that the goodbye is painless for him (and us). It's hard on all of us.
6. Last, but not least, I have a 4.5 year old and a 1.5 year old who both miss their daddy and for at least the first week seemed mad at Mommy because of it. They are adjusting to Daddy's boo-boo now, so we are getting better. We made it through Christmas (pictures to come, I promise) even though there were no Christmas cards this year. They will be super late, but will get there, so bear with me. They are growing like weeds and are both so funny. Colin is coming into his own and starting to enjoy learning to read. Nothing major yet, but it is so awesome to see his wheels turning. Christopher is at that hilarious age where the things he says are so funny either because he is repeating something that he has heard or just jibber jabbering to himself. His latest is if you ask him a question that he doesn't know that answer to, he replies "Ohhhh. Nutning." (Oh, nothing). He is always ready with a grin for you and you can't help but smile back. These boys, while driving me insane have the uncanny ability to keep me sane. It's the oddest thing. I love them so much and this has brought me to tears more than once in recent weeks!
So that is it in a nutshell. I am sure there is more to tell and I will try to be better about sharing, but for now just know that I am doing my best here and sometimes it will make it into the blogosphere and sometimes it won't.
Oh yeah...HAPPY NEW YEAR! I hope that everyone has a very successful and fulfilling 2010!
Monday, November 2, 2009
Halloween
Our Halloween was fun but became overrun with me getting sick and pouring down rain while trick or treating. The funniest thing about it is that Colin will not take off his costume. He loves being Spiderman! Christopher was Superman and had already had enough after like 2 houses so he spent most of his time in his stroller, covered by the umbrella! Anyway, here are the pictures of the cutest superheroes ever!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
